How to Enjoy the Holidays When You Have a Difficult Relationship with Food: A Few Tips
Fall is here! Bring on soup season, even if I have to crank up the a/c because it’s still sweltering in San Diego. The shelves have been brimming with Halloween merchandise for months already, which effectively means Thanksgiving is tomorrow and Christmas is around the corner. Oh, how do the holidays seem to creep up?
While this season tends to bring most adult humans at least a LITTLE bit of stress alongside our merriment and laughter, for those who have a complicated relationship with food and their bodies, the heavy emphasis on feasts and treats can cause an added layer of difficulty. If you find yourself struggling this season, know that you’re not alone, and there are things that can help. Here are some tips to help you enjoy the holidays while nurturing a healthier relationship with food:
1. ‘Just Say No’ To Diet Culture
Even though it’s gotten a fancy new facelift known as “wellness” we all can see through this thinly veiled lie that keeps telling us all the same thing - there is one type of ideal body, and we all better be striving to achieve it or else. But what if we just decided to believe something different? Like, maybe we deserve to appreciate ourselves for assets other than our appearance. Or that there are all different types of bodies that can be beautiful. I could go on but I think you get the point.
This is even more important to remember around the holidays, where we are simultaneously confronted with loads of delicious food at all the festivities AND being told that it’s not ok to eat it, unless we have a plan to compensate for it later (i.e. “the diet starts New Year’s Day!”). Some ideas to combat this:
Identify Triggers: Notice what particular messages about food and body image make you feel particularly bad about yourself, and recognize that it’s not you, it’s them. Then do your best to disregard said messages.
Find a Mantra: Remind yourself that your worth isn’t determined by your weight or what you eat. Pick an easy phrase like “I don’t need to worry about this” or “I’m choosing joy today” or anything that resonates and moves your mind in a different direction.
Curate your Content: Seek out content and communities that promote body positivity and intuitive eating. Fill your social media feeds with uplifting messages and remove any accounts that make you feel less than, even if you think they are there to ‘keep you motivated’.
In sum, food doesn’t want you labeling it “good” or “bad”. In fact it doesn’t even understand the concept of morality and it would like to stay as far away from it as possible, thankyouverymuch. So leave guilt at the door and enjoy yourself in whatever ways your heart desires, please. The holiday season was made for indulgence. So, you have permission to do just that if you so choose.
2. Trust.Your.Body
Let me say this loud enough for the people in the back: you CAN trust your body! It is a beautiful system that is naturally engineered to take care of you and get what it needs…if only we could stop trying to override it with our mind’s ideas of what it thinks it should get. Our bodies REALLY don’t like that, because it makes everything all out of whack and it takes the system a minute to recalibrate. But it will, and it does, if we allow it. Every damn time.
Let’s tame our monkey minds this season and tune in to our other knowledge centers; namely in this case, our gut:
Listen to Hunger Cues: Pay attention to when you feel hungry or full, and honor those signals. This may be hard at first, and will most likely require you to slow down a bit.
Enjoy Variety: Allow yourself to enjoy a range of foods without guilt. Whether it’s grandma’s famous pie or a savory side dish, experience all of it with fervor.
Practice Intuitive Eating: Try to eat based on what your body is craving rather than what you think you “should” eat. This may sound like a completely wild concept to some, but again, if you slow down a bit and tune in…the body knows.
Once you get the hang of this, and you and your body are friends again, you’ll be amazed at how easy and instinctual eating can be, and you can throw those rigid rules right out the window.
3. Set Boundaries with Others
Dealing with other people can be especially difficult during the holiday season, for many reasons, one such being you only see half these people during this time of year and have little to talk about (cue the awkwardness). Let alone those who still happen to think it’s normal/ok to bring up your eating habits, weight, comment on your food choices, etc. How to deal and still be kind? A few suggestions:
Politely change the subject when diet talk arises. For example, say, “The food is delicious, but I’d prefer to discuss something more exciting than what we’re eating. Tell me about your ____”
If someone comments on your food choices, respond with something simple yet Be assertive: “I’m choosing to eat what feels good for me, thanks.”
Empower yourself to say “no thank you” to foods you don’t want, regardless of how much effort went into preparing them. Don’t let anyone guilt you into putting something on your plate you simply aren’t interested in because it would hurt their feelings (a discussion for another day).
4. Embrace Mindful Eating
Remember earlier when I said listening to our bodies requires us to slow down? This is how we practice that. The goal is to feel completely present and engaged with your food, in order to enhance your overall experience. Here are a few ways to try it out:
Savor each bite: Take your time with each bite, appreciating the flavors and textures. You’ll probably enjoy your meal more and it will be easier to recognize when you’re satisfied.
Avoid distractions: Try to eat without distractions (yes, that means screens, both big and little). This allows you to focus on the experience of eating and helps you tune into your body’s signals.
Practice gratitude: Before you eat, take a moment to reflect on the effort that went into preparing the meal. Feeling appreciative of your food and how it got to you can ease unnecessary guilt and help you feel more connected.
5. Gift Yourself Compassion
(See what I did there?)
I know this is a hard one for most of us. We’re so used to giving others compassion, but for some reason we’re our own worst enemy. But believe me when I say self compassion is crucial to cultivate for many reasons, and it can help so much if you’re struggling around the holidays. Essentially, it’s about treating ourselves with kindness, and it’s especially useful when we feel overwhelmed, anxious, guilty or ashamed about our food choices or bodies. Here’s how:
Acknowledge your feelings: It’s okay to feel stressed, anxious, guilty, mad, sad, glad, etc. AND, it’s okay to feel several of these at the same time. Bringing awareness to your emotions is the first step in figuring out what to do next.
Reframe negative thoughts: When you catch yourself thinking negatively about your food choices or body, try countering those thoughts with a positive (or at least a neutral) thought instead. For example, replace “I shouldn’t have eaten that” with “I enjoyed that, and I’m glad I got to taste it.”
Plan for emotional moments: Although it can be tempting to just cross your fingers and hope it doesn’t happen, a better strategy is to anticipate situations that may trigger negative feelings around food and have some healthy coping strategies ready (read: probably not drowning yourself in alcohol or yelling at your mother). Instead I might suggest: taking a short walk, practicing deep breathing, or calling a supportive friend.
Final Thoughts
Navigating the holidays with a complicated relationship with food can be daunting, but it’s entirely possible to shift the focus to joy and connection this year and spend less time in your head, feeling anxious and guilty about it. By saying no to diet culture, trusting your body, setting boundaries, practicing mindful eating, and giving yourself some compassion, you can create a holiday experience that nourishes all of you: mind, body and soul.
Remember, the holidays are not just about the food; they are about connection, love, celebration, tradition, or if you’re like me, occasional tropical vacations. I just hope these can help you feel a bit more empowered and confident to do YOU with pride this holiday season.
Cheers,
Stephanie
**Please note this is creative content and not a substitute for mental health care or therapy, nor is this directed to those with serious and severe eating disorders. To review our full medical disclaimer, click here.